It's all coming together

Everything seems to be happening pretty nicely. I mean, there have been a few uncertain spots. But life goes like that. But it's all looking good. Christmas is coming. Classes are ending. Real school is starting. I'm getting a new friend/roommate. Once that's all over, I'll work until I can't type anymore, drive all over the country, see my family, love my friends, and then get back to the grind. Probably put my mission papers in after that. Christmas, spring. Sometime. Maybe when I'm around 20. That won't be too bad. Right? I don't think so. I swear I'm not wasting your time. I swear I'll understand if it happens like last time. I promise. Just promise not to leave me in the dark.

There's a duality to life anymore. It's like the water on top of the oil. It's the surface tension of feelings. We have what we acknowledge, what we value first. We can shrug off this layer, simplify things, let them roll off our back, beading and falling down and we could care less. Then there's that part of us that we let ourselves into only so often, and that's when we see the true nature of everything within ourselves. I see this place in showers, on car rides, and when I'm pretending dirt hills are mountains.

It'll be hard to do what I want to do. It'll be confusing. But I think I've finally reached the point where I realize I have to trust in something. I have to begin to trust in the solidarity of the world. We'll all end up where we're supposed to. The only thing that matters is that we have to keep communicating about where we're headed.

I kind of find comfort in exploring the uneasy reality of our situation. Because that means that there's a future. That things will continue moving. That we'll change and grow and life will be life. That's the way it's supposed to be. And I think that if I just keep making these leaps of faith, it'll give me substance. It'll give me the ability to make them all my life. And deep down, I know that's what we both want; a life made out of rash decisions and stupid ideas. Those always make the best ones, I think.

All I know is that my life is different, better, sweet, and wonderful for a reason. I came here for a reason. It's so much more than I could ever have asked for. I keep wondering and waiting for when things will change, because I think that's what every human does. We can't ever quite fully enjoy the present because, well, the future is there you jackass and who doesn't want the future? But I'm trying to keep it close enough to me. To enjoy this all. I'm trying to remember the little details that matter the most. I think that's why you think it's silly for me to take so many pictures of nothing. And I think that's what makes me so happy when you appreciate them all. I'm just trying to remember. So that way I'll know how this felt.

I think my goal will be to get you to finally look forward to something.