Home Is Where I'm Alone With You

Recently my mind has been in a fury and fit over all these beginnings and endings. Maybe I'll figure it all out on the road. I mean, I totally plan on "finding myself" out there, knowhattamean? It's going to be great when I finally "find myself" because a big siren will go off and there will be fireworks and my hands will catch on fire and I'll cry and I'll cry and I'll cry with hope and exhaltation and my parents will be there, it'll be in Wyoming I'm sure of it, they'll be there on the side of the road clapping and their hands will be on fire too and every body will be so happy; it'll be wonderful you know?

The road. The ultimate explanation. The terrible home for boys with no ambition. The excuse. The reason. I'm out there to find a whole lot more than my way home, especially when this trip is so very much about finding a home. We'll see where I end up at the end of all of this. Probably Provo.

I just watched the last year of my life on film. Well, to be honest, it was Louis' life. But we're all in there, all of us, wrapped up in the hours of film. It was pretty incredible to see the whole thing, finally, and I will say that it did not disappoint. It was strange to see the other side of things. The way things looked not from these two eyes. Barry, you've got talent. It was a visceral symphony.

In Which No Significant Points Are Made

I think I'm most suited for a life of quiet contemplation. Lately, I've just been reading and watching movies. I went out today for some food and saw a couple of people I knew. We talked for short intervals. We "caught up" or whatever. And I took an interest in their lives. I thought about them on the drive home. I wondered about them. I ate dinner and thought about my books and my movies. About how life swirls around them. About the talented folks I know and love. I thought about all of this and then realized that my mind is racing, raving, monologuing, dialoguing, it's turned on and off all day long. I'm getting these furrows in my brow because my face is constantly stuck in a concentrated stare.

I'm no good around social situations. I like to get together with a few people who won't mind if I yell "A MILLI A MILLI, AMEN" out of the top of a convertible in response to "WHEReS THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE". And then won't mind, too, if I just kind of stare off into space for awhile thinking about things, or no-things, or every-things. People who I can just kind of wander about in the daze that I'm usually in. It's true: I'm almost always in a daze. Because, generally, I'm just lost in contemplation about things that ordinarily don't matter. Like Cory Haim's death, or a class I want to teach, or a story I want to write.

Hmmm... I just kind of got lost in what I was going to say in this blawg post.

Thoughts 4daze.