Tuesday, November 11, 2008

This is a bullet from a gun called what the fu

I'm loving Mason Jennings anymore. He's perfect Utah music. Natalie and I drove up to Heber Valley on sunday and walked around abandoned neighborhoods and looked at mountains and yelled at deer. I like Heber a lot. It reminds me of home. Nothing there, but somehow pretty and wealthy and inhabitable. Plus. Cowboys.

I love "The Dude* Nod."

*dudes herein referred to
do not listen to jack johnson,
wear sandals, or play
ultimate frisbee. they're men


The dude nod. The universal sign of acknowledgement. This event, this phenomenon, is among the greatest social standards in the world. It's practically universal, and it is used to signify one thing:

"I see you and you see me. I'm a bad ass dude. You're a bad ass dude."

That's it. It serves simply to acknowledge the manliness of another man in a silent display of communication. It is an agreement. We will not say hello. We will not talk. If you do talk after a nod, you thereby break the nod and are not a man anymore. Women, when seeing each other, don't understand the dude nod and its complicated feelings. Women must shout and talk and hug and all other manner of reactions when they see their friends or even someone they don't know. Men however judge not when the nod is employed. They simply keep their mouths shut, tilt the head, and revel in the timeless tradition.

It's a mixture of pride and honor to exchange the nod. It's something our fathers, grandfathers, and forefathers employed as a means of manly communication. Scientists speculate that it originated in ancient Germany, coming from the Germanic tribe leaders. While the manliest, most barbaric men were chopping down trees, they often would also be skinning animals. At the same time. And walking back to their harem of women. It is told that the tradition began as one of these busy men was lumbering home, thinking about wood and women, when he met another like warrior on the path. They passed each other, yet too engrossed in all the bad ass stuff they were doing, they both, in a simultaneous display of awesome, nodded to each other in recognition.

Whether or not these highly scientific facts are true or not is irrelevant. The dude nod today exists in all its glory to remind men where they came from and who they are kindred souls with.

For those less informed, (perhaps you grew up in the north and don't truly understand this whole lesson), I've provided a few simple truths about the timeliness and necessity of the dude nod.

Rules:

-While walking or standing in a public place, or even at home, if another familiar or unfamiliar dude comes within your range of sight and you somehow, whether intentional or unintentional, make eye contact, you are to nod either up or down (depending on your ethnicity; multi-ethnic dudes may simply nod to the side if they are currently trying to "figure themselves out").

-If you are approached with a dude nod; if the dude nod is not given by you first, but is indeed prooffered; you must return said nod.

-Do not display emotion or speak during nod.

-If your nod turns into mirth or sadness or hostility, a fight will ensue, or at least hard feelings.

-If you speak, you break the nod rules and are not a man.

-Upon giving and recieving a dude nod, the two parties must look away, as is customary. However, if the space is small or the company poor, the two dudes may take to resuming looking about the room and may catch eye contact once or twice more. From the point of the initial nod, however, no further subsequent nods are required and the dudes may ignore each other as they had originally intended in the first place.

Situations Where the Nod is Not Acceptable:

-If you are in a fight with your girlfriend. Do not exchange the nod to another dude while you are engaged in a fight with your girlfriend. It may give her leverage ("you're not even paying attention, nag nag... etc"), attract the attention of a dude who wants your woman, or could allow you to lose concentration and therefore lose the fight. This is strongly suggested against, and may result in pain, physical or pussy-heartfelt kind.

-When the dude is a woman.

-When a woman looks like a dude and you get confused (this is acceptable, but strongly advised against)

-When you've been hitting on another dude's girlfriend. That will result in a tussel. And the dude who's dignity has been challenged will win, as is established by the Laws of Manliness.


Situations Where the Nod is Greatly Appreciated and Encouraged:

-When you're getting arrested. Nothing spells totally awesome dude like a guy getting arrested. Especially if, while being arrested, he takes the time to give the nod to some bystander. Totally diginified. Even if he has no shirt on.

-When drunk

-When having sex (in a public place)

-While skydiving

-If you're old

-Everywhere, anytime, and in the right way.


Personally, I love the nod. It connects me, mutually, with those other dudes that I know I don't want to talk to. And they don't want to talk to me. And that's ok. It's just a recognition. It's awesome. Let's all enjoy it.

Oh and don't tell the women about it.

5 comments:

Natalie Jane said...

how strange. there was a lot of writing in this post yet. . .i could only read the first part about heber. . . .the other parts were confusing and unclear. I'm a woman.
I love you

eric keith said...

haha. real men don't play ultimate frisbee. i liked that. people at BYU play frisbee WAY too much. you're lucky you didn't live in the dorms, people play frisbee there like it's in style.

You're text verify thing says, "SpinGod." Interesting.

Emily Rigby said...

i can't believe this blog just happened.
haha.

Austin said...

*nod*


-end-

shirley elizabeth said...

Hi. You don't know me. I don't know you. I got here by accident. Um, I'm going to quote you in my blog? If that's not okay you can kill me or something. Or I'll delete it.

 
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