Christmas is Coming
Things have gotten colder and darker here. It’s throwing me off a little bit. I’ll get up and go to work, then go to class. By the time I’m done, it’s dark already. It’s annoying. And it’s cold. So I can’t even go sit outside and enjoy the world. I mean. I can. Just I have to GET READY for that and getting ready to enjoy things doesn’t spell enjoyment for me. It spells chore. But oh well. Life is such and I’ll get over it.
I found a free tv last night on the street. I knew it was free when I saw the big duct taped sign that said “FREE” on it. So that was nice. Adam is moving out come December and eric is moving in, but I’m pretty sure none of us besides Adam have a tv. So I got this monster. It’s from the 80’s and reminds me of my youth. Which is good because I’m bringing back my super Nintendo and it’ll be nice to remember how it was when I was 8.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’m not creative or talented or accomplished in any way. I felt this way when I was writing at the magazine and I feel the same way now. This job isn’t mine. I didn’t get it. It wasn’t my incredible interviewing technique or my cover letter or anything. I attribute it to the Lord. Because, truly, I’m just not really that good at what I do. I try hard. Because if I don’t, I know I’ll just stop coming to work out of fear of rejection. So I try. But whatever I put out is generally not up to snuff. It makes me think about all the kids who are just a little older than me, and sometimes younger than me, who are currently making everything that I read, listen to, or watch. All the young authors and musicians and advertisers and script writers. I write for people roughly three times my age. They write for me. I think about them and how much responsibility they have and I think about me and my cracker jack job and I’m not depressed or angry at myself for not having accomplished more. I’m just damn impressed.
I’m happy it’s almost Christmas. I got everyone in my family something great so far. I’ve got shopping to do still. I actually have a paying job this year so I’ll be getting thoughtful, beautiful presents for everyone. Hopefully.
Midterms, music, water, and snow. That’s life.
4 comments:
I think you're good at what you do. You're good and trying hard and it always comes out well. And you're good at not giving up. And you're good and being grateful. And you're talented in being so damn sweet I got a toothache! (you like that?)
It does get dark too quickly. It makes me sleepy faster. I think we need to eat bat meat so we turn nocturnal.
just so you know, I guarantee you most all of those artists and writers you're listening/reading to have written something like this. no one is ever continually impressed with their work, because if you are, then you're a pretentious d-bag.
you're honestly one of the better writers I've read. I think you're a lot like Joel Stein, check out his columns in TIME. Really I mean Alex I'm not just saying this, you definitely have a God-given gift for composition...keep it up.
bat jerky. please say you found that with "free" duct tape to it too. i'm sure natalie is onto this nocturnal thing. also. an old TV! yes. now i know i made the right decision. nintendo parties. college. college!
Yeah, you THINK you're taking the SNES home. You think.
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