How to Win

-Listen to rap music and win.
-Cook your own food and win.
-Say the word "womp" and mean it. Win.
-Send me an online video that is actually funny. Win.
-Read good books and win.


These are the ways to win. Take notes.

I'm supposed to be writing an essay in the form of Michel de Montaigne right now.

Instead I'm listening to Freelance Whales and thinking about clothing. Thinking about reading. Thinking about how I've been neglecting to call people back.

My essay is called "Of Youth and Manhood", based off of the latin viri and the Kings of Leon album. Also based upon my life and how I'm actively resisting growing up/civil/religious/familial/personal duty.

So that's what my essay will be about. It will be written in my basement in the light of my Christmas lights that hang on my wall probably while I listen to crappy music.

I can't ever tell if I'm perpetually in a bad mood anymore or if I'm just being pathetic... Hmm... Something definitely isn't making a good connection in my body. I'm going to assume that more Diet Coke will cure it. Diet Coke cures anything.

Grizzly Bear's Vecktamist is kind of going to go down as one of those "extremely influential albums" in my life. I mean, my kids are going to be listening to this. This is my generation's Graceland you know?

One time when I was at a Grizzly Bear show at Memorial Hall, some guy stood up and yelled in between songs, "WHY DONTYA PLAY SOME PAUL SIMON FOR US?" and chuckled and then sat down again. Then he left after their set. What?

Is Dananananaykroyd the new Vampire Weekend?

Are they the non-2006 Vampire Weekend?

When will people stop liking bands like Fischerspooner and Husker Du?

TOO MANY QUESTIONS

Reading Newsweek makes me want to shake my fist and yell "REAGANNNNN" like Captain Kirk yelling "KHANNNNNN!!!!"

See also: Why is it that when I go to search, "Wrath of Khan", the first search item after "Wrath of" is "Wrath of the Lich King"? Because that's World of Warcraft stuff. And it is, inherently, irrelevant where Star Trek is concerned.

I'm not the biggest fan of Star Trek. But I know enough to know that Star Trek inspires people not to waste their lives. World of Warcraft inspires kids to not move until they die. I think, google, that you should be putting "Wrath of Khan" above this "Wrath of the Lich King" crap. For the sake of humanity.


INTERNETS

I want some Ranch dressing and waffle fries. I also want a falafel. I also want to just be able to read a bunch of good stuff all day. Listen to chill music. I know art won't save me, but it sure can give me some good ideas.

I've declined my latin noun. Now I'm eating Swedish Fish and thinking about things. Maybe I'm not wasting my time and life after all... I mean, so much of a writer's time should go into thinking about things.

All morning I've been wanting to fashion a time machine so I could go back to China at the turn of the century and put on a performance (in translation of course) of Lope de Vega's "Fuenteovejuna" to the peasant throngs in Hunan. I wonder if it would hit home as hard as the Communist doctrine did... Probably not. The peasants only like the Communists because capitalism was so close to feudalism in their country.

Sigh. See, this stuff isn't useful or necessary to the world.

I'm going to die starving.