Things You Deserve

This is the end of the first week of my training at the Rape Crisis Center in Orem. Once I'm finished, I'll be a member of a team of volunteers who provide help for those who've experienced any kind of sexual assault. The more that I learn about the need for services like these in our community, the more I feel like I need to tell people about the options they have. One of the things our team coordinator Jani said to us was that we are not in the community to tell people to get help. We're here to let people know that they deserve the resources to help them get through whatever it is that they've experienced. I really like that attitude. Because everyone truly does deserve the ability to heal.

If you're a survivor of sexual assault or rape, or you have a friend, acquaintance, or family member who is a survivor of rape or sexual assault and you find yourself struggling to cope with the emotions of that experience (you're a survivor too, you know), the Center For Women and Children in Crisis has an outstanding number of programs to help you understand the experiences you're going through and to help you come to terms with whatever it is you're experiencing.

The contact information, as well as more information about rape and sexual assault, is on the website. Good information to know, also, is that every Wednesday night from 6 PM - 7:30 PM there are two classes, one on domestic violence education and another on sexual assault and rape education, which provide not only information but room for safe discussion about these issues. There is also a closed therapy group for rape survivors only which, according to members and staff at the Center, provides the most effective and powerful healing opportunities they can offer. All of these resources are completely free and completely confidential.

And just to mention, any exposure to any form of sexual assault, sexual violence, rape, or domestic violence can have life-long effects on your mental, physical, and emotional health. One of the most surprising things I found were the symptoms of these crimes. Stuff like crippling panic attacks, resurfacing feelings which render you emotionally or physically incapacitated for periods of time, depression, chronic headaches, dizziness, or chronic fatigue.

The website above has amazing resources. My hope is that if you've been looking for a way to approach help, you've got some way to access it even if you need to wait awhile before using it.

Anyways. Yeah. It's been an incredibly enlightening and powerful experience thus far. If anyone is interested in volunteering, as well, I encourage you to contact the Center and see what you can do to help.

Playing D until you fall asleep

I think I said, out of frustration for my big, uncollected hands, that I needed a guitar of my own. I don't think I really meant that a new guitar would solve my chord changes or fingerings; I think what I wanted to say was, "Give me new hands to understand. Make these nerves more responsive. Give me a brain with the ability to focus on something mechanical and cohesive, instead of the abstract abyss of soda bubbles and taffy dust." I meant to say all of that, but I just said to the front window, "I think I need a guitar of my own." Your indignation always sounds like the tide coming in. You're impossible to ignore in your automobile engine moments.

"I had that guy for a long time. It served me just fine." I sort of looked over into the dining room and said, "Yeah, but... one of the strings is broken. And I guess I mean I need something that fits me a little better." You let out a noise that was non-noncommittally concomitant. Was it a moan?

I stared hard at the gap-toothed body in my arms. Like a child. I need one of my own, I thought. I need one of my own to sing out high, to sing out of tune, to sing a calliope shine in middle august tones. I need one of my own to bang around, to open and close like screen doors and flour jars. I need one of my own to grow in the garden, to dust the deep earth smells off of, to eat on like a table. I need my own, to be as worn out and fitted to my hands as this one is for you. No need to be indignant; we'll sweep the floors together softly, softly, sweet melodies in dusk.

Since we're all pondering our feelings on The CHURCH: Introspection on Finding Truth

Austin recently posted a response he had to someone asking him about LGBT rights in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I love Austin, everybody knows that, and this isn't an attack on him or the Church. This isn't even an attack. It's an introspection, you know? So let's get to thinking.

If you don't want to read Austin's original piece, that's ok. The main tone and point of the post was that he was responding to someone asking him how he can sustain Elder Boyd K. Packer's words on homosexuality given last conference. Austin's response is mainly that: the prophets are men, yet they are trusted with responsibility by the Lord and, therefore, are qualified even when they err or offend people. He also touches on marriage, and on the concept of arguing and judgment. All of it is, obviously stated, his opinion and he acknowledges that. I like a lot of what Austin is saying!

I guess it got me thinking about the concept of truth. At the heart of this whole same gender attraction "argument" is the question of whose opinion or take on the subject is ordained by God as Truth. For some it's cut and dried; the Church is correct, the prophets are the mouthpiece of the Lord and thus they are espousing the Truth. Anyone who is not inline with this Truth is causing dissent and contributing to the fragmenting of the collective body who accepts the Truth. And so it's not that someone speaking out against Elder Packer's comments isn't valued or unimportant; in Church culture, their words and opinions have weight and import, as every opinion outside of the understood Truth is a menace or detriment to the truth of the Truth. Thus we qualify our statements with things like, "I respect your opinion" or "I appreciate your view". We DO appreciate (from Latin appretiare; to appraise or estimate the value of; things appreciate, they gain power and value over time) the opinions that challenge the normative stance taken by the Church, because every opinion is understood to be an important contribution to the overall discussion. The culture is sort of admirable in this way. Outside of LDS culture, most opinions are simply ignored.

Here's the thing: Perhaps those who feel righteously indignant against the stance of some prophets on same gender attraction are, in turn, providing a source of relief or support for those of the same mind in the congregation. Careful and fair criticism of the Church is helpful to anyone having doubts; not helpful in that it leads anyone to leaving the congregation, but helpful to know that those who dissent aren't so completely on their own.

This leaves us with two ways to consider dissent; as a detriment to the conversation and testimony of others, and as a point of reassurance and connection with one another in the Church. These two considerations need not be diametrically opposed, either. As we already understand the value of opinions in relation to our own, why don't we agree that both points are necessary and valid, in their own way as they apply from individual to individual?

This, of course, reveals my sinister relativism; the concept of subjective truth as opposed to objective truth (read: Communist) Oh no! Don't worry though, I'm not arguing for anarchy or sinful chaos under the guise of religion. I mean, we're all instructed to find, listen to, and follow personal revelation right? What else is that other than subjective truth? We each have the voice of the Spirit in our ears and I'll bet the tone, timbre, and loudness of the one in mine is not equivocal to the one in yours. Our faiths are our own. Each of us has a different and personal relationship with God. This is because each and every one of us has a personal and different relationship with ourselves and with the world at large. Duh.

Therefore, it's not unreasonable to disagree with a prophet on a matter that isn't declared doctrine. The doctrinal guidelines for gender and marriage are, honestly, relatively open-ended (I mean, stating that gender is essential and that marriage is between a man and a woman isn't nearly as uncomplicated as it looks right off the bat. Use your imagination!). It's all open to personal interpretation, supplemented with the direction of prayerful thinking. If the Truth for Elder Packer is that homosexuals are simply suffering from an affliction, that they can be cured, that they are actually straight; well, that's the Truth for him. My Truth is different, and while I see that his Truth is his own Truth, I know that I can choose to interpret it my own way and still be on the same level as Elder Packer (w/r/t my faith and testimony, etc. Obviously I'm not an apostle).

Elder Packer's words are not doctrinal revelation. He never said it was revelation that homosexuality is environmental/choice-driven/etc. The Church, doctrinally and officially, has no stance on the matter. Therefore what Elder Packer is saying is truth is merely his own definition of it. You can agree with Elder Packer or you disagree and, either way, as long as you are square with God there's nothing to worry about. The true letter of all of our laws is simply to love everyone selflessly. So however you land on homosexuality shouldn't affect that. I, personally, disagree with Elder Packer's opinion. And I'm going to speak out in defense of the LGBT community within (and outside of) the Church. And I'm going to do that because it allows me to fully enact my personal belief that the central tenet of this Church is love. If you can do the same whilst agreeing with Elder Packer, that's alright as well. We're deeper than our mere complicity or dissent, and I think that's alright to acknowledge.

Addendum: So Austin and I have been talking about this a little more and I think, for posterity, it'll be nice to have this updated with the relevant comments.

Austin:

The last thing I'll say is that no matter how you try to define it, modern revelation through the 15 IS the Church's inspired direction. It doesn't matter what any past apostle has said or done off or on the record.

We are a covenant Church. That means we will not be led astray, and all things happen on Heavenly Father's own time.

The Word of Wisdom is a prime example. There are aspects of DC 89 that have evolved over time. And it's my belief that in the future, certain things will be added and taken off, just as before. It is not clearly stated what will be on the Word of Wisdom 100 years from now (and it very well could be interpreted the same way it is now). It doesn't say that in church doctrine.
That's the entire mission of the apostles and prophets - to tell us their inspired idea of the will of God. Over time, things change, different revelation is given, different ideas are preached more than others.

I've been asked before, what if the Church's views (and they have clearly defined doctrine) on same-gender attraction reverse sometime in the future? Well then, I'll follow what the First Presidency advises. That's what my stance will always be. I don't feel comfortable putting my stock in anything else in this world. That why I joined this Church. I gained testimony that it was presided by men, but was led and inspired by Jesus Christ.

Alex:

Ok, but the point I'm making is that when anything is amended, say D&C 89 becoming commandment as opposed to just Church advice, it is announced that it is, indeed, changing into a Church doctrine. It is stated, explicitly, this is revelation from the Lord that has been approved and is going to be instated Church-wide. There are things that the apostles probably all agree on. It could be that they all agree that homosexuality is a choice and not a state of being. Or it could be that they all think Famous Ray's is the very best barbeque chicken. And when they stand up on the pulpit and say, in any capacity, 'Brothers and Sisters, please understand that we all love Famous Ray's, it is the best barbeque chicken in the world and we all exhort you to eat it", they are not saying that it is now required, writ large, that everyone endorse Famous Ray's chicken. Even if every single member of the 12 and the 70 got up and said, "I feel inspired to let you know that Famous Ray's rules", that still would not be an amendment to the official Church doctrine. If the 12 got up next conference and stated, "We have been inspired, as a Church, to proclaim Famous Ray's the dinner of monday night, thus sayeth the Lord" then, well, yes. It would then be doctrine.

So even if Elder Packer is on the stand and says that homosexuality doesn't stem from a biological cause, and even if Dallin H. Oaks agrees and Gordon B. Hinckley agrees; even then, if it's not said, "We are now considering homosexuality as a choice, we have been inspired by the Lord, this is law,", if it isn't pronounced law, then it isn't law.

This has actually been a decisive point in past Church debates; namely evolution. Hugh B. Brown and Joseph Fielding Smith used to go head to head on this issue, often at BYU. When they'd address the students, they were careful every time to avoid saying that belief or disbelief in evolution was Church doctrine.

If it was Church law, it would be stated as that. It would be out there, clearly, instead of couched in past talks and pull-quotes from GBH and Dallin H. Oaks. If the official chicken of the Church was Famous Ray's, we'd know it, and we'd know it not because everybody was saying it was or because that's all anybody in the Church ate, but because it is expressly stated in the laws and doctrines of the Church.

"For you shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands." (Isaiah 55:12)

"Thou wilt shew me the path of life: in thy presence is fulness of joy; at thy right hand there are pleasures for evermore." (Psalms 16:11)

"And never have I showed myself unto man whom I have created, for never has man believed in me as thou hast." (Ether 3:15)

I don't know how to say this well...

A movie I watched told me that love stimulates and makes rich your REM phase.
When I watched that, I was in the depths of an epistemological crisis and always felt as though I was dreaming, always forgetting to open my eyes when I was driving or walking.
My days were enriched and foggy, then, for a myriad of reasons
but mainly for the way they revolved around the base of your space in space
The way love and affection fills the placeholder of your body
You're a footnote and I'm a footnote
in the larger framework.
See bottom of page
superscript 8
lucky number

Down and Out in the East Jordan Iron Works

I had this composed on the inside of my mouth and told the sky and mountains what the taste of these words sounded like. But then I forgot, I ran home too fast and it all fell out of me in the wind. I always forget the things I need or want to say, which I guess is a product of forgetful loving.

"All of literature is impossible to systematically categorize into comprehension. There is no palpable system of understanding for the card catalog of writerly intent."

I wrote you a letter in the globe of a raspberry, even though it's out of season and beginning to snow. Insides circumscribed with faint etchings of recombinant DNA, prisms of light jutting their hips into the world as it floats from my tongue into the sink. Blood streaks in cold water, did you know that?

Tell me how it is
tell me how it is
tell me how it is

I'm the least productive member of society right now! Well, all of today really! I've been staring at a screen doing nothing but bloggin' and bloggin' and readin' funny sites and bloggin' lol lol that's what I'm doin'. Hmm, maybe I could have updated Bare Bones? Nope, bloggin' more important. Maybe I coulda done some work on my 10 page paper tomorrow. Nope, bloggin'. I could have edited some articles people subm-BLOGGIN'. Sometimes I wish I had ovgloves grafted onto my hands so I could open all of the ovens.

Remember when Dr. George Handley said all of the best things?

The Transpo Symposium is online now. Rejoice.

Oh World, Dear World, Grant Me This One Wish

Let me somehow fast-track to having a 4.0 GPA and a BA in Comp. Lit. with working knowledge of French, Russian, Urdu, and Portuguese. And then let me fast-track past my MA and PhD and then just give me a bunch of money so I can start a magazine that is like n+1 but WAY WAY better, something that is relevant and not clunky and one that has nothing to do with Choire Sicha or that whole young New York brigade, the ones who accept my work and then reject it and accept it and then reject it, it tugs on my heart strings to say I have a piece published three times over and then have nothing, you know it does, and please have the internet stop writing things to just fill space, maybe that's what my magazine will be about, it will be about how sometimes we

need







space











to function because most stuff just gets jammed together, this is why people like proper punctuation. This is why proper grammar is necessary to communicate effectively and without confusion. This is the difference between "Translate, and analyze the underlined words" and "Translate and analyze the underlined words". Because, sometimes, not knowing the difference makes you fail.

Anyways, I'm bored of college. I like learning but I don't like to choose between distractions (learning is MOST DEFINITELY a distraction). I like to just open up my pupils, my pores, my ears, and let it all flow into me. Sing into my mouth.

Something written in ink on a shaky knee in a crowded room

I wish they could see
the colors my insides turn
when I hear their songs.



That's a haiku. Complete with a cutting word. You should be proud.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

Romans 12:15

I haven't been this emotionally raw in a long time. When religion and teaching actually combine, it's a really really really great thing.

My Feet Are Soaked, But My Cuffs Are Bone Dry!

First day of classes and I'm two hours into my languages. I think I just failed a French aptitude test and stupidly said, "English is a romantic language!!!" in my Latin class. So that whole end of the spectrum is going great. But you know what? I woke up at 7 AM this morning. And I went to work and all of my classes and I'm co-writing an article for the Political Review and I may have found departmental sponsorship for the magazine and we're having a party this weekend and, well, you know. Regardless of how hard this semester will be, I just feel like Milhouse when he tight-rolls his pants.

I can't get over how much I love this song. I'm leaving town soon enough and then school starts on Monday and that's weird right? How will this semester go? Pretty well, right? I'm going to get smart and yell at people. That's my plan. Should be fun right?

If You Honesty Wanted To Know How I Felt About the Prop 8 Repeal/California Mormons In General: Here You Go

Caitlin #####: RIP Democracy.
Thursday at 2:44pm

Philip #####: seriously
Thursday at 2:50pm

Ryan #####: democracy is alive and kicking. Amendments like this get overturned often if the people of America voted that our church shouldn't get to practice without tax exemption anymore the courts would overturn it based on the constitution. Our government has never been a pure democracy...
Thursday at 3:04pm

Caitlin #####: One biased man overturning 7 million California voters? Not constitutional or democratic.
Thursday at 3:23pm 4 people like this

Alex Christman: ‎7 million California voters were wrong. We're a republic for a reason. We employ others to represent our better interests, and that includes laws that were unconstitutional in the first place. Don't worry though. This is going to be nail and tooth for the next ten years.
Thursday at 3:46pm 1 person likes this

Isaac #####: ‎"7 million California voters were wrong" = democracy is wrong? "We employ others to represent our better interests" = a central planning committee? Do you really think that?
Thursday at 8:14pm

Chris #####: @Alex -- If 7 million California voters were wrong, why can't one man be wrong? Don't assume the logic you use doesn't apply to yourself. Second, we didn't "employ" or elect the federal judge to his position. A former president did. Third, Prop 8 won't be an ongoing issue for ten years. It'll get to the Supreme Court by then (after reaching the 9th Circuit). And since the Supreme Court overturned 19 of the 22 cases it arbitrated from that particular court last year alone, it's a good bet that Prop 8 will be reversed again as well. Once the Supreme Court defines marriage, it'll apply to the entire US and won't be able to be reversed ever again. Just stating the facts.
Thursday at 9:36pm 2 people like this

Alex Christman: We DO employ others, actually, to represent our better decisions. And it's probably a pretty good idea we don't elect judges because, as I said, they're there to represent our better interests as a country that's promised equal rights to all of its citizens. They aren't there to bend to the whims of the people. If that was the case then the 14th Amendment wouldn't have been passed. And, regardless of whether or not the Supreme Court gets involved (which I don't think is necessarily a given considering this is an issue of states' rights and not federal law; something that's been stated time and time again), it doesn't mean that this will instantly not be an issue. Look at Roe vs. Wade. And as for whether or not my logic applies to myself, well, it does. I am an idiot. Like you. And everybody else in this country. That's why I'm not a judge. Or a statesman. That's why I don't make decisions regarding the welfare of the country. I simply choose the people who make the decisions. Thanks for reminding me of exactly what I was saying!
23 hours ago 2 people like this (including me!)

Alex Christman: And by employ, I mean it both in the sense that their salaries are paid for by our taxes and that we employ them, as in "use them", to represent our better interests and make the decisions that we as a country are so prone to make incorrectly. Guess what! It's this distance between the general populace of the country and the lofty heights of government that has made our country relatively stable, wealthy, and renowned for its high standard of living. Because it prevents the voting block from throwing around narrow-minded and capricious decisions that, GASP, affect people other than the majority! Imagine that.
23 hours ago 1 person likes this

Chris #####: Well I prefer not to take such a cynical perspective in regards to Americans' ability to make good decisions. My theory is as follows: while it's very easy for the individual to make a bad decision, it's less likely for 7 million to arrive at the same bad decision. Moreover, I understand more than you probably expect a judge's role in government (my dad was elected by the governor to serve as a judge on the California court of appeals). But I can't help but think that Judge Walker was making a biased decision given that he's an openly gay libertarian. If you haven't all ready, read Judge Walker's decision because it's very hateful and emotional and lacking in logical analysis. As far as the involvement of the Supreme Court is concerned, it will most definitely get involved assuming that another ongoing court dispute in Massachusetts doesn't beat California to the punch. While I understand the argument that this is a state's rights issue, Judge Walker is a FEDERAL judge. Remember, watch out for making arguments that apply to yourself! You can't say a ruling is acceptable in one federal court but not in another. Finally, as for your majority argument, read Federalist Papers 10 and 51. The contents of each are too lengthy to discuss here but they show how democracy serves the minority as well. On a final note, don't "like" your own comments. It's tacky. :)
22 hours ago

Alex Christman: Thanks Chris! And by the by, it doesn't matter what perspective you take on America's ability to make decisions: this is how our government is set up. Just because 7 million people believe one thing, does not mean that it has to be law. If you'd like for it to be a law, then go ahead and elect the people who will serve in the Senate and House of Representatives and have them propose the law and then see if it passes both the Senate and the House and doesn't get vetoed by the President and then if it does, see if it doesn't get voted on once again with a majority ruling in your favor and then see if it doesn't get taken to the Supreme Court to see if its legal, and if all of those things happen in your favor Chris, then you can go ahead and herald the way that our government sided with your 7 million voters. In the meantime, let the courts work they way they work and realize that this is HOW OUR GOVERNMENT WAS SET UP.

And thanks for taking me to the Federalist Papers. See, because the Federalist Papers were appeals to get people to follow the exact process of government that you now think isn't working in your favor. And as for 7 million people making a bad decision: see Germany 1932. No, you're right. A large voting block couldn't possibly make a bad decision.
22 hours ago 1 person likes this

Alex Christman: AND, LOL, THE FRAMERS OF THE CONSTITUTION DIDN'T CARE ABOUT YOUR PRIM-ROSE PERSPECTIVE OF THE DECISION MAKING ABILITIES OF THE GENERAL POPULACE EITHER BECAUSE, LOL AGAIN, THAT'S EXACTLY WHY THEY MADE OUR COUNTRY A CONSTITUTIONAL REPUBLIC. LOL. LOL.

I hope you went to private school because if this is what the public schools of this country are churning out, it's a VERY CONVINCING argument that our average, run-of-the-mill, Joe 12-pack citizens don't need to have their finger on the "Constitutional or Not" button.
21 hours ago

Alex Christman: Late addendum: My bad, 2/3rds of the house if president vetoes. Feel free to substitute Governor for President where necessary for state government. Writing things on no sleep is harrrrrrrd. But I think this is important information for everyone to know when it comes down to how a law is made! That way you understand the role that courts and the people of a state play in the making of state legislature! Then you can understand exactly how mad you should be (see: not very) about the completely fair and reasonable ruling on Proposition 8! See? We learn things every day!
16 hours ago

Brad #####: Alex, i really like that your profile pic is of whoopie - because when i read your comments, i feel like i am at home on my couch watching the View and laughing out loud.

Keep in mind Alex, that Cait and Chris (and myself) are from a state where electing representatives to actually represent us as a majority and thus make decisions is impossible. It appears you come from Kentucky - if I came from Kentucky, I likely wouldnt be complaining - the representatives that I think best represent me would in fact be in power (being a conservative Republican). But, put yourself in our shoes - in a state where Republican representatives make up a very low percentage of the representatives relative to other states, we put together an incredible campaign worth millions of dollars to pass a referendum that wouldn't be possible if we went through the representatives you spoke of earlier. Our referendum passed. Then, one man strikes it down. Pardon us for feeling some shock and awe. Its true that if the people pass a referendum that is inconsistent with the existing state or national constitution, then it is the judge's role to overturn it. However, I am not convinced, from Vaughn Walker's statement, that Proposition 8 is inconsistent with the 14th amendment.

And let's play nice - that public-private school comment was pretty out of line.

15 hours ago 2 people like this

Chris #####: We could honestly go back and forth Alex, but I have little tolerance for those who make personal attacks in an effort to land credence to their argument. I understand the role of government and its inner workings so there's little need to explain it to me. I, along with many other conservatives, are simply tired of government believing that the people work for them rather than the other way around. Fortunately, it's not a government we have to live with and come November I'm optimistic that the political pendulum will swing closer to the middle. Btw, I go to UCLA -- a public institution -- and I'm proud of it.
13 hours ago 1 person likes this

Alex Christman: @ Chris: Consider it tit-for-tat for your calling me tacky.

@Brad: Well-mannered and I can see where you're coming from because you chose to articulate your opinion (and call it opinion) well.

@All of you butt-hurt Californian Republicans: We obviously have radically different views of whether or not the proposition was legally right, what the Church's role should have been in the whole ordeal, and whether or not the ruling on the proposition was in good judgement. But, my only thought here has been to let you all know that we shouldn't have any differing opinions or perspectives on exactly what has happened here as far as how the legislative process has worked. Get butt-hurt because gays can get married. A lot of people will. I won't. But you probably all are. But don't get angry about the legal system. That will get you nowhere but butt-hurt. If you want to change things, go ahead and get involved (again gosh-darnit!) with the legislative process! Exercise your rights (again gosh-dangit!)

And also realize that no matter what, we are all white, priveleged, well-educated, and moderately wealthy members of a predominately homogenized religious institution. We probably don't have much experience with things outside of our own socio-economic class/race/creed/sexual preference/et al. And our views are always going to be pretty insulated! Just because the status quo is changing doesn't mean the world is falling down my dear Chicken Littles. Anyways, I'm going to go yell at some Jason Mraz fans on myspace. l8er h8ers.
33 minutes ago

Alex Christman: Yarrr. Privileged* I'm omitting myself from the "well-educated" category LOL. #self-deprecation

21 minutes ago

Chris #####: Read Edmund Burke's Reflections on the Revolution in France. Broaden your horizons. :)
16 minutes ago

Alex Christman: oLd WhIgS rEpReSeNt Y'aLl!

I would have thought you'd be a bigger fan of "Thoughts on the Cause of the Present Discontents". Maybe you should read that. Burke is great if you're a super big fan of Russell Kirk which, I'm assuming you are?
7 minutes ago

Chris #####: Forgive me for being so responsive to your argumentation. You must realize that I travel the world debating people (literally, England, France, Spain, Italy, you name it). I spend most of my time reading history books so that I may better serve others in the future. If you're ever in need of a good book with exceptional analysis and insight, I would be more than willing to indulge your request.
5 minutes ago

Alex Christman: Dude, do you have a business card that you could send me? I'd like to frame it. I'll put a placard beneath the frame that reads: "I Have Seen The Glory And It Was Bright". Something like that.
2 minutes ago

Alex Christman: You should copyright your name.
about a minute ago

Alex Christman: I'm thinking about comissioning a painting of you for my study. I'll need a period of time when you'd be willing to stand very still whilst holding a skull in front of a bay window with a view of a large swath of water containing a battle ship. When are you available? I'll grovel to your secretaries.
a few seconds ago

EDIT:

Chris #####: Reflections is I think more relevant to this debate, but I'm impressed. And yes, I am a big fan of Russell Kirk. I feel as though Republicans have veered away from their base into a neoconservatist realm and need to once again look back to their roots...namely that Republicans love change so as long as it doesn't happen so fast as to cause the crumbling of a nation's critical foundations.
32 minutes ago

Alex Christman So you're saying that you would favor laws granting marriage for gays in the future?
14 minutes ago

Brad #####: did you seriously use the term "butt-hurt californians" in a thread about prop8?
10 minutes ago You like this

Chris #####: I would be and am for the equality of people of any race, ethnicity or sexual orientation. That means I hope for a future in which gays are granted EVERY right that straight men and women are entitled to in marriage. As for marriage, I side with Obama...that it is between a man and a woman.
7 minutes ago

Alex Christman: Cool story bro. Welp, you've got me sold on the party of inclusion! #my head just exploded
2 seconds ago

The Next Time I Get to Vote for ANYTHING

I think I'm going to vote for "The guy who does that stupid bass noise in vocal ensembles". You know the guy. The one who's always like, "Bum da bum da bum da bum dubbadub". He sounds ridiculous on his own. In fact, vocal ensembles, a capella groups are just downright unnecessary and stupid.

So. In order to underscore my total apathy and frustration over the insurmountable pile of shit that I can not understand in politics and the world in general, I am voting for the bass line guy in an a capella group.

Provo in the Summer

Provo in the summer is like pinata-filled culture crashes, slamming into the desert sky and feeding you frybread.

During the fall and winter, I have a weird obsession/hatred with/of Provo. It's beautiful and cold and intriguing and lovely and it's weird and people suck, BYU is a tumor on the city, the mountains hold me as I sleep, I love it and I hate it and whatever whatever amen.

But during the summer. This place rolls its sleeves up and gets to work on livin. Hispanic clubs, mercados, navajo tacos, hoop dancing, heat, sweat, history, culture, community, free water, people sitting on patios and street curbs spitting in the air and wondering where they are, what they want to do, why they don't care that they aren't moving. You wake up in the morning and the pale blue sky makes you young again.

This place opens like a lotus flower. I had no clue what this place was until I actually lived in it, truly lived in it, didn't just go to school. This place is beautiful and lovely.

Rave over.

Up and Coming

So over at the other blog, http://barebonespresents.blogspot.com, we have a preview of what kind of content will be in the magazine when it eventually comes out. So stroll on over there and take a peek if you're feeling peekish and join the funtimes!

Or don't. See if I ever ever talk to you again ever.

I work in a basement full of natural light and florescent flickering. I listen to music and sit in a room made of glass and wood. The people who work behind this room don't think I'm an actual employee; they know I'm a simple step up from an intern. A temp-worker. I am a transient. This is not my real home. I haven't earned it. So when I try and be nice or helpful or familiar with them, they wonder who this guy with the stupid mustache is and why he's talking to them and why doesn't he have access to most of the doors here?

I have a song stuck in my head that I sing a lot.
not a girl in this city reminds me of you not a girl in this city reminds me of you not a girl in this city reminds me

Life is a loud series of overtones. Loud and blank-faced and I'm stared down, into my bed, every day every night every time I get the courage to get up go out and experience the air and dust on my face and neck. So much to say, so much to squeeze out of my swan-neck but all I do is moan in my sleep for the way this world spins. Like a tilt-a-whirl with a broken door. I always put my bed against the wall, that way I decrease my chances of falling out every night.

Warm summer nights: jazz in the air, the windows open, and the town rolls in lazily. This desert town isn't so bad in the summer. I walk out to a baseball field once the sun goes down and enjoy the dome of the sky and the sticky grass on the backs of my legs. Sometimes I get bored of my room but I certainly never get bored of being on my own. And I'll never get bored of dreaming.