Something I've learned very easily

Reading without music is very, very tough for me. Actually, doing anything without music is tough for me. Falling asleep without music, up until about this past summer, was inconceivable. It hadn't happened since I was little.

So, without a computer, without an mp3 player or stereo that you put that thing on, I've been kind of struggling to figure out how to get things done.

To the person who stole my Zune: I'm going to kill you man/woman/child. Because of you, I cannot listen to Ratatat and Lands & People while ingesting literature at 4 AM. You are scum. I spit on your grave.

Sometimes I can't put sentences together y'all

So sorry bout that.

Sometimes I just think to myself over and over again: gotta get back to Northern Kentucky.

I can't wait for some babe to see the little poof of hair that is my Joey McIntyre bookmark sticking out of my classic works of literature and for her to basically BEG to give me her number. But I'll be like, sorry sister. My phone book is full.

Hello Children. It's me. Your illegitemate dad.

Ok, so in the interest of posterity I've decided to go ahead and think about and then document a few cardinal rules for the raising of my children. This is, of course, in case of the rare possibility that I'll take "responsibility" of my children and their subsequent "expenditures" like food and a crib and teeth doctors.

1. Children, I will never make you join an intramural sport, club activity, or youth group (gang) if you do not want to. This is mainly because I don't want to have to kid myself that you'll be good at anything. I'm trying to love you, you know? And how can I love you if I get my hopes up that you'll be good at soccer and it turns out you can't even run straight?

2. Children, at the risk of goin' "totally granola", I will not allow cable television into the house. This is a two-fold up. One, you won't be fat and lazy and obnoxious. You won't make me suffer through the Suite Life with Zach and Cody. You won't bother me with pleas for toys that nobody thinks are cool (nobody=me). The second sweet part of this is that cable television is so on it's way out. We'll get our television, if it's rated highly enough by The Onion AV Club and Newteevee.com, through youtube and surfthechannel. We'll be riding the wave of the future, as Howard Hughes would say. This will add an edge of elitism to you at school.

3. Children, I will never, ever make you sit through a dinner at Olive Garden, Red Lobster, or a steak house that isn't Jack Ruby's. This is motivated purely by bad childhood memories. We would eat and then I would be full and tired and the adults would be talking about boring crap. All I wanted to do was lay down in the booth and that was strictly not allowed. Plus the bathrooms smelled awful and I had to look at everybody's sweat shirts and Nike's. Not a fan. I'm saving you from that awfulness.

4. Children, you will not attend a daycare or private school. You'll go through public school like the rest of us. What, you think you're some sort of privileged rich kid? You think you're smarter and more special than your peers? You won't be. You aren't, especially right now because you're (hopefully) unborn. It's called humility. Learn it, jerks.

5. Children, you will not drink soda. This is another moment of "granola-ness", but frankly I don't care. I just watched King Corn and that shit is scurry. If this means I have to go soda-less as well, then... Hell. I'll commit. For you, you hellions. I'm saving you from diabetes and cancer; please repay me by not turning into a meth head or person who wears Bodman cologne.

6. Children, I will never, ever ever give you what you want unless what you want is love, knowledge, taste and style, basic human needs, and a modicum of safety and comfort. You will not get what's fashionable known as "in" because I'll make sure I marry a woman who, like me, knows what's timelessly trendy (big-collared shirts and flannel dresses). I will foster a love of learning in you, which will supersede all material want (idealism alert). You will be an amalgamation of Spartans and Athenians. Judicious, daring, quick-witted, resourceful, courageous, with killer pectorals and diphurnals (not a real muscle).

I don't know how you'll turn out for real. In my mind you guys are going to be awesome, cooler versions of me. You guys will listen to the music I listen to, but like. Times 20x on the coolness factor. You guys will love film and art and movies. We'll have lively discussions about it on our veranda late into the night while you're home from studying abroad (on scholarship dog. Cause you're paying your own way through college). We'll try and play basketball, because I think that's what families do. Although, I kind of hate actually playing, and you probably will too.

These are just some important thoughts. I hope that some fox with a PhD in Comparative Studies reads this and emails me with her number. And at the bottom of the message it'll say like "Sent from the Blackberry!" And I'll be like, "Dude. That's so hip."

Link Day!

Troll 2 on NPR

Drew Danburry on Daytrotter

Great Online Film Community

This is my day today and I'm totally happy with that.

You know the cover art for that Department of Eagles album "The Cold Nose"?

I feel like that today. I just shrug!

So I think it's time to go home. Nothing's getting done here in the library. Time to finish The Inferno and move onto Purgatorio, and Paradisio. After that I'll try and cram in Parzival, write a film script, cast a documentary, watch a movie, write a paper on said movie, take a quiz, meet with a group, watch another movie, and go to another shoot Friday night. Anything else? Probably.

Mainly my life is like I was like um.

This is simply outstanding

"Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is a horrible experience of unbearable length, briefly punctuated by three or four amusing moments. One of these involves a dog-like robot humping the leg of the heroine. Such are the meager joys. If you want to save yourself the ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your eyes and use your imagination.

-Roger Ebert

I just had the pleasure of reading this.

You should do that now too.

Continuation of thoughts from last night

I didn't mean to make it sound like I was all broken up about not making friends in Provo, boo hoo, got nobudy to talk ta. What I'm saying, perhaps in some way, is that here in Provo there is a disparaging difference between those who "get it" and those who "don't." Oh and "it" is "me".

That being said, I think that's case with the world. And it makes me extremely grateful and happy to have the friends I have. Because they make this town awesome. Whether it's driving around some mountains or eating mulligatawny or breaking lightbulbs by the airport or playing Mario Kart all morning. It's just awesome.

So. Thanks friends. You guys rule. You guys are the best. Shout out to Austin Dressman. Even though you don't live here, it feels like you should. So. Move here.

Do it.

-Love,
Alex

Thoughts about people in Provo

Sometimes it's really hard for me not to be angry with the people I come in contact with here. It's hard because I never feel like I can express myself to them; I can't ever communicate. My humor is always too dry or referential or I use too many abbrevs. People just kind of shrug and look blankly at me. Not their fault, I understand that. Just a simple frustration.

I'm only writing this because my triumphant return to FHE, after like a year, was pretty awkward and punctuated with people turning to me and saying, "You're in our ward?"

I just walked out and blasted a Black Lips GZA remix. 2 4 Biggie, my homiez in the ground.

EDIT: I think the reason people generally don't have a clue what I'm talking about is because the way I talk is usually the way people doing hard drugs talk. Nobody not on speed or coke should reference Max Headroom or Joey McIntyre repeatedly in a roomful of people who don't understand what the hell you're saying. Just a thought.

Edit II: I am not on coke or speed or any other drug. I'm just internetified.

An Ode to a Sunny Monday

Dear Chase,

I feel like I can call you Chase because you and me are so much alike. I would love to meet you some day. It would be great to have a catch. I know I can't throw as fast as you, but I think you would be impressed with my speed. I love your hair. You run fast. Do you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither. These are all things we can talk about and more. I know you have not been getting my letters because I know you would write back if you did, and I hope you write back this time and we get to be good friends. I am sure our relationship would be a real home run.

Mac

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k5S88vVTDS0

Sometimes you just have to spread music around like syphilis. I'm sure you know this one though. I just needed to give give give.

We sang this all summer you know? Everybody laughing at each other for not realizing how quickly we were drifting apart. When we finally all did go our own ways, it was like the continental divide, that space between our legs on the car upholstery.

Sometimes I can't help but want to write write write!

Fuck these words from this cruel mouth. These sentences coming out of these folded hands. I feel like a wretched shyster. I never knew I could just create until someone told me to.

I can't live without writing. I can't lie without writing. I can't write without living and lying. Love love love.

I had one of those things called an "epiphany" last night. Things are on the upswing, starting with an overhaul of my attitude. Time to come to grips with reality and start bein' rough, tough, and real. Raw.

Yeah, so I've completely abandoned caring about school anymore. I think it's inevitable. I'm alright with that. I don't know what else to do. The only things that interest me are watching movies, making movies, reading books, internets, and trying to make people hate me.

Those are pretty much what I'm "about."

As Jans Lekman puts it, "It was a strange time in my life."

Hates average, hates convention, hates complacency, hates radical adjustments, hates mediocrity, hates all voices in the human conversation, hates LCD screen, hates blue ray, hates enough for the whole collective race. This post is called Haters. Stop being average, I hate average, you just read that.

Seriously, why is just caring so hard right now. I'm gonna quit this school.

The more and more that I watch movies, the more and more I only want to watch movies.
The more and more I read books, the more and more I only want to read books.
The more and more I make movies or write books, the more and more I want to just create.

Give me funding! Or give me death!